... The windows were bare and the floor was cold, but I put the boxes down and called it home.

So yes, I'm moving yet again. I sacrificed the season of lights and festivities to find a new place. Living in this white-walled modern hell has wreaked some havoc on my creativity/sanity which I can't live without (well, I guess I do okay without the bulk of my sanity, but you know what I mean). I'm hoping with the space to spread out, I'll be able to come out of my head again and rejoin the ranks of the functional.

Know I am still alive and am just suffering a major time/financial crunch right now. But things are looking up. I look forward to the surface and can't wait to see some light

The housewarming party is over and my excuses for dormancy have run entirely out.

Tell me, without money as the strongest motivator to survive, what is the next biggest incentive for productivity?

Motion is different here. Strung along by paths of frivolity or necessity or survival, the people here always seem as if they are being pulled in one direction or another. I question their motives as they never seem to be fully aware of why they go through the motions.

It rains ferociously. As if the clouds absorb the tears cried for aging joints and straining seams and spills them back down on the city. It is forever damp in the valley.

Glances are no longer fleeting. I stand by the wall in my familiar way and draw attention like a poorly concealed stain. So far I've made friends by my novelty alone... but a stain is what it is and you can only see what you want in it for so long. This is temporary. As I continue to establish myself, my flesh will be less paper and plaster and I'll find a niche. The important thing is that I'm outside and I've been seen.

I worry. This is the same. As if I fell through a trap door on the floor of a mountainside cabin, but the worry is the avalanche that swept away the home and subsequent debris then finds its way into every space, filling my lungs with frost. I claw my way through, futile effort or something more.

Read, read, read! This is my mission currently. I am a firm believer that you can't write if you never open a book. As is often the case with me, change is no small thing... all at once or nothing at all.

The unhappy have but hours, and these they lose. -Dryden

And so it happened. I'm officially out of the city I've hated since inception into cognizance.

Unfortunately, new hurdles await as I find myself alone and without any security of family, friends, and familiarity.

Today was my first venture alone into a new grocery store. It took me nearly an hour to locate all of the five things I needed for dinner and then wait behind an obviously insane cat lady buying out the store's entire supply of cat food because I couldn't manage the self-checkout system with my produce.

Eating has been pushed to the sidelines in lieu of packing, driving, unpacking, organizing and re-purchasing the things I had to discard due to the massive downsize of this move. On the upside, I decided to take this evening to get out my brand new cookware and cook myself a decent dinner, albeit alone and somewhat depressing.

The transition to this new secluded lifestyle is a lot more traumatic than I imagined. Being a hermit by choice is one thing... finding yourself without options is a totally different...

Anyone have any advice on moving to a strange city?

It's still clamoring in these parts. The raucous scraping of furniture on hardwoods and screeching of tape spanning cardboard expanses. Piles of history dragged to the curb for the scavengers to pilfer and put to better use. Days spent waiting and squandering opportunity have been torn like pages from the spirals binding old poorly arranged school notes.

The house has sold. I've quit my job. I'm leaving the state, everything, and everyone I've ever known.

In a way, I'm rewinding time. Forcing the clock to give me the chances that ticked away so quickly when I was too weak to fight back.

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In other news...

I got gift cards for an iPhone for my birthday in March but I wasn't due for an upgrade until June 16th. Now, I absolutely abhor waiting so this was devastatingly painful for a while. After some time, my resolve started to waver and I begun contemplating just redeeming the gift cards and taking cash... alas, there would be hurt feelings involved in that so I continued waiting. Then, of course, the release date for the new 3GS was announced, thus extending my waiting period juuust a little longer. So there I was at 7 in the morning on the release date, gift cards and skepticism in hand, ready to pick up my newest addition to my family.

Let me just say... probably one of the best things I've ever allowed into my home. I no longer need to lug my macbook pro around for my meager connectivity needs on the average outing due to the fact that everything that I could ever need for function, productivity, entertainment, and navigation now lies within the sleek contours of my new friend. No longer am I scoffing at the throngs of enthusiasts who have annoyed me for the better part of a year with their acclamations. I join thee with pride, my fellow iPhone junkies!

On that note, what are some of your favorite apps? I've become completely addicted to scouring for hidden gems and I've already filled 4 pages full between my finds and a lot kick ass games (a lot for my kids who are equally enraptured, mind you). So come on, tell me what you've found!

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Also, is anyone else freaked out by seedless watermelon? This unnatural, albeit delicious fruit has me at an impasse... to love or to scorn the freakish sterile melon...